You know how they give a death row inmate a "last meal" before he is executed? Well, in the movies they do, anyway. That's what today is like for me. The day before June first, when I'm recomitting myself to getting my body into better shape. So, I'm allowing myself to be even less cautious than I've been on the rest of my vacation. S made croissants and rolls for breakfast, which I wasted no time smothering in wonderful marmalades and spreads - the kind that are run-of-the-mill, every day things for Germans, but which Americans find absolutely fascinating and superbly delectable. Of course I savored every last bite. And overdid it a bit. We have our flight back to New York in a few hours' time, and I have found that on days that I travel, particularly trans-Atlantic trips, my nutrition ain't so great. So I guess this will be that day where my body really feels the tipping point (as if it hasn't been waving a white flag for days) and empowers me with the dedication and commitment I'll need to get through the first day, then the next, then the next...
One thing I want to think about in the next month:
I've found that I've grown somewhat dependent on coffee - somehow on this vacation I've observed my body responding physically to it. I crave it when I wake up. Having a cup is all I can focus on - even before getting a shower, washing my face, brushing my teeth. I feel so much better and more energetic once I've had some. I know that's kind of the point, but my body generally treats coffee as a basic input, like oxygen. I've never had to worry about sleepless nights or drinking "too much" coffee - my body doesn't know the meaning of the concept. I love coffee. More than most other beverages. But I'm worried about being dependent on any substance...I want to have my "old" relationship with coffee back. Now, I'm not suggesting that I cut coffee out as part of this exercise (dropping alcohol for a full week, including the weekend, will be test enough of my commitment). But I wonder if there's a way that I can experiment with it, maybe not drink so much of it... something. Like oxygen, will I freak out if I don't have it?
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